My Essay As A Chastised Husband 11-28-03 

 

My name is Slave xxx; my Wife / Mistress has instructed me to organize my daily journal observations concerning my chastity after corresponding with Mistress Lori Lancer. My Wife / Mistress will allow Mistress Lori Lancer to forward my e-mail address to individuals who have serious questions or concerns about male chastity if Mistress Lori Lancer wishes to do so.  

On 11-20-03 my Wife / Mistress instructed me to put on my Mistress Lori Lancer plastic chastity tube after I had completed my morning shower. It was the first of two Mistress Lori Lancer chastity tubes that I would be wearing, for the rest of my life. It was not the first chastity device that I had been ordered to wear by my Wife / Mistress but it would be nearly the last.  

The following is a brief biography / essay that I was instructed by my Wife / Mistress to write in order to provide some insight into the choices and transgressions that brought me to the point that I am today. This biography begins when I met my Wife / Mistress in the mid 1990’s. I fell for Her immediately and we became very serious within a few months. I, however, was not honest or trustworthy. I cheated on Her almost immediately and continued to do so for many years. Over the summer of 2000 my Wife / Mistress caught me with another woman. At that time my Wife / Mistress and I were still girlfriend and boyfriend. My Wife / Mistress had been told by a number of people over the years that I was unfaithful; but prior to catching me in the act, She refused to believe that I would cheat on Her. Needless to say that incident caused an emotional time for both of us. I was then and at all times in our relationship madly in love with my Wife / Mistress, but I still had felt the need to prove my manhood by continually cheating on Her. After I was caught, we had a huge fight and my Wife / Mistress began packing Her things and searching for a new home. I cried, I yelled, and I begged Her to let me explain. She finally and unexpectedly consented to speak with me about why I had done what I had done to Her.  

My Wife / Mistress told me that I would have one chance to answer Her questions and then She would leave me forever. During this discussion I admitted to Her that I wanted to be with a strong woman who utterly controlled me. She asked me to explain what I meant, and I told Her that I fantasized about being emasculated by a woman who forced me to cook and clean, and who controlled me sexually and physically. My Wife / Mistress asked me to explain more thoroughly, and I told Her about my fantasies of being beaten for my transgressions and forced into a chastity device like I had read about in erotic literature. She laughed at me, but She did not finish packing.  

My Wife / Mistress did not speak to me for many weeks after ‘the discussion’; and during that time I did everything I could think of to show my contrition to Her. One evening my Wife / Mistress unexpectedly spoke to me. She told me to come into the family room and sit on the floor in front of Her. My Wife / Mistress said that She had given a lot of thought to what I had said, and that She had been amusedly observing my attempts to ‘serve’ Her. She asked me if I was ‘quite serious’. I told Her that I was. She questioned me for several hours regarding my fantasies, and told me about Hers. As it turned out, my Wife / Mistress had been craving supreme sexual control in a relationship since She had read the Anne Rice, Sleeping Beauty novels in college. This surprised and amazed me since I thought that I new all of Her sexual fantasies; and not to mention considering the fact that She was a very conservative ex-catholic ‘school girl’, (elementary school through college).  

My Wife / Mistress then asked me a surprising question. She said, "Do you want to try this lifestyle with me? "  immediately told Her, ”YES!” She surprised me again, when She told me that if that was my answer, I should write down all of the woman I had cheated on Her with during our relationship. I did so, My Wife / Mistress then asked me to circle the ones that I was still in contact with or knew how to contact. I did so again, She then instructed me to call them immediately, in Her presence, and tell them what a ‘hurtful ass’ I was and also to never speak to me again. My Wife / Mistress was on another extension with a cordless telephone to Her ear as I had these very unpleasant conversations. When the women on the other end of the line started to speak, my Wife / Mistress would break in and identify Herself. She would say that She was sure they must have known what my nature was even if they didn’t know that I was in a relationship when they dated me. My Wife / Mistress also told them that this (telephone call) was my choice and if I wanted to say anything to them that I could. I, of course, kept my mouth tightly shut. 

My Wife / Mistress also made me sever all relationships with my ‘unattached’ guy friends and the ‘attached’ ones who knew about my indiscretions. For years after that summer and at times even to this day, my Wife / Mistress will bring my indiscretions up, in my presence, to her friends and our couple friends. I am forced to grin and bear it while turning red and being extremely humiliated. The girls all give me dirty looks and quiet contempt, while the guys usually give me condescending looks and derogatory comments when we are in private. It is all well deserved, and I never fail to thank my Wife / Mistress when we are in private afterwards. 

A few days after our agreement began, and the telephone calls were completed, my Wife / Mistress began investigating chastity devices on-line. She fell in love with the Access Denied chastity belt and pre-paid for one via their website. The agreement my Wife / Mistress made with Access Denied was that I would have a personal fitting for the chastity belt several months later when the owners of Access Denied would be participating in a leather show in a city nearby.  

Since the leather show was quite a way off, my Wife / Mistress purchased a chastity training device from a fetish magazine that I had shown her. The device was the CB2000 (NOT RECOMMENDED for serious full-time use) and it arrived around Thanksgiving of 2000. My Wife / Mistress also purchased the erection suppression ring as an option with the CB2000 (highly recommended for masochist weekend lifestylers), which was the first really painful example of my Wife / Mistress’s position over me. After about two months of nearly constant wear the CB2000 literally fell apart. After a less than satisfactory conversation with the manufacturer / distributor of the CB2000 my Wife / Mistress purchased a ‘long-term’ Remy’s Tube with its version of an erection suppression cock ring (again very painful). The Remy’s tube remained on until I went into the belt and has been used upon occasion since (the Remy’s Tube is a poor excuse for a 24/7 device).  

Soon after the Remy’s Tube arrived, my Wife / Mistress drove us to the leather show in the nearby city to have my Access Denied chastity belt fitted. After we met the owners of Access Denied, I was measured under the strict gaze of my Wife / Mistress by a female Access Denied associate who was terribly amused at my embarrassment. After the measurements were completed my Wife / Mistress put the Remy’s Tube back on, in the Access Denied folks presence, and drove us home. 

After a few more months, it was then Spring 2001, my Access Denied chastity belt arrived at the FedEx office. My Wife / Mistress and I were very exited when we picked it up, and She immediately began putting me into it when we arrived home. The Access Denied chastity belt is a cumbersome, intricate, complicated, and very immobilizing chastity device. Over the course of the summer of 2001, I began to get somewhat used to the Access Denied chastity belt; but there were many problems associated with it. First, it is very difficult to keep sanitary and it requires a fairly strict schedule of removal for cleaning. Second, it is difficult to hide under many types of clothing. Third, it causes severe bruising and chaffing to the hips and sides of the body when worn for extended periods. Fourth, and worst of all to my Wife / Mistress, it allows just enough friction in the internal penis tube to allow one to dry hump against it and masturbate oneself to completion. One night in my sleep, I actually began humping my Wife / Mistress’s leg. Needless to say this was deemed by my Wife / Mistress to be unacceptable behavior. She woke me up, forced me into an all cold-water shower, and beat my ass, off and on for several hours afterward, with one of my wide leather belts. My Wife / Mistress decided that night that we needed a different chastity device, and I whole-heartedly agreed. 

My Wife / Mistress soon found Mistress Lori Lancer’s website. She loved the articles and stories found on the site and began communicating with Mistress Lori Lancer. As I stated earlier, my Wife / Mistress is a very conservative and private person, She has only ever told one person, other than Mistress Lori Lancer about the intimate details of our relationship, Her therapist. My Wife / Mistress was however exited about the possibilities of Mistress Lori Lancer’s devices and had many questions and concerns regarding the required piercing(s) associated with them. In order to satisfy Her concerns, She began dictating questions to me in order for me to e-mail them to Mistress Lori Lancer. This method of correspondence went on for several months and Mistress Lori Lancer was extremely helpful and patient. Finally, much to my excitement, my Wife / Mistress decided to have me pierced and instructed me to place an order with Mistress Lori Lancer. Upon Mistress Lori Lancer’s advice, and my Wife / Mistress’s consent, I ordered two devices and a sheath / dildo. The first device, a plastic travel model, was planned to arrive at about the same time my piercing would heal, which, coincidentally corresponded nicely to my Wife / Mistress’s Wedding Day (and mine). The second device was a steel one with a cage.  

My Wife / Mistress instructed me to follow Mistress Lori Lancer’s on-line measuring instructions and to arrange for the funds to reach Mistress Lori Lancer. I,, unfortunately, proved to be inept at measuring and this caused many delays, including several returns of both devices. At one time, one device was even lost for a time due to a Post Office error. My ineptness did however produce one great bi-product, my Wife / Mistress began communicating with Mistress Lori Lancer directly. The one constant throughout all of our fitting challenges was Mistress Lori Lancer’s fantastic customer service. Through it all Mistress Lori Lancer has been wonderfully patient, and has charged very minimal re-fitting fees. 

As I stated at the start of this biography / essay (of sorts), my wife has placed me in a Mistress Lori Lancer chastity device earlier this week. It is the plastic device that now fits wonderfully. The steel device is with Mistress Lori Lancer for a final refitting of the security cock ring, it was a tad bit too large. My Wife / Mistress has also laid out my ‘Chastity Plan’, which she instructed me to share. I will be wearing the plastic device 24/7 until the steel device arrives. At that point my Wife / Mistress will remove the keys from the realtor type key safe she keeps them in at our place of business, and release me for the final time. I will then be allowed to masturbate once to completion, clean myself, and place the steel device on my penis. It is very industrial looking with a massive cage at the end, which allows no chance for me to ever touch my penis again. My Wife / Mistress will then, again, lock both keys in the key safe for a time. 

Mistress Lori Lancer has convinced my Wife / Mistress that using female hormones on me is the best way to torment me while I am chastised. My Wife / Mistress however will differ from Mistress Lori Lancer’s advised course of action in one way. She does not want my breast size to increase drastically / noticeably with the hormones. No one my Wife / Mistress and I associate with knows of our ‘Lifestyle’ so She is working to find a course of hormones that will only slightly round / feminize my body while shrinking and sensitizing my penis. My Wife / Mistress has ordered several suggested hormonal supplements on-line, and it will be my unfortunate, humiliating, and embarrassing fate to speak to my (female) physician to decide which combination will most closely mirror Her desired effects. 

When my new state of femininity, roundness, and reduction of erection takes hold; my Wife / Mistress has told me that we will be taking a walk on a bike path near Her home that borders a large river, and I will be instructed to throw the key safe (with keys still inside it) into the river. She says that we will then go home were She will place an epoxy in the locks making my chastity permanent. I am both very excited and horrified by this planned course of action. If my Wife / Mistress and Mistress Lori Lancer continue to permit it, I will chronicle these events as they happen. 

My Wife / Mistress has instructed me to finish this essay with a brief description of both how these devices feel and make me feel, and how our ‘Lifestyle’ can remain both satisfying to us and anonymous to the people around us. Chastity devices are not meant to be terribly comfortable, but Mistress Lori Lancer’s chastity devices are bearable and wearable 24/7 for indefinite periods. When I am wearing my Mistress Lori Lancer chastity tube, I am constantly reminded of my Wife / Mistress’s control over me, as well as my past indiscretions. When I think about my Wife / Mistress or my plight, I always end up with my body in a struggle against the device to attempt erection, which is painful and unfulfilling. Mistress Lori Lancer’s chastity devices are completely anonymous when worn under normal fitting clothing. They are as unnoticeable under business apparel as they are under jeans, sweats, or shorts. My Wife / Mistress and I live a fairly low-key life, I work for Her at home as well as at Her business. Other than Her direct attempts at humiliating me through comments regarding my cheating, which are public knowledge among our social group anyway; all other punishments and humiliations are carried out in the privacy of our home. My Wife / Mistress does not make me follow any strict protocols other than always being respectful to Her in public and deferring to Her will in private. To all outside appearances my Wife / Mistress and I are just another married couple who happen to work together in business. 

In closing, I know that I am well fitted to our lifestyle. I am deserving of my place below, or as the case may be, behind my Wife / Mistress. I have asked to be chastised both directly and through my hurtful previous actions. I believe that all men could be happy in such a relationship, and that many men crave it secretly. To those that do, TELL YOUR WIVES / GIRLFRIENDS / ETC. what you desire. If you do it in a respectful manner they may agree to fulfill your needs (usually in ways that you least expect and sometimes fear). Mistress Lori Lancer has an essay regarding this phenomenon that is very insightful. I am extremely lucky that my Wife / Mistress did not leave when I betrayed Her, otherwise I would not now be living my fantasy of being chastised by, controlled by, and worshipful to a GODDESS!  Slave xxx